smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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