Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
