I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
