I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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