i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
