okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
