Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
