Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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