the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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