I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
