Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
