He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
