Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
