so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
