Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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