i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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