Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
