she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
