I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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