i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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