a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
