the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
