he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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