If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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