listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
