I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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