We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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