Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
