well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
