Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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