You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
