I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
