forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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