Please, let me fuck your mom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
