I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i believe in u and ur pee
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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