So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
