I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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