That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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