Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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