Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
