He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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