Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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