HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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