I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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