I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
