You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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