Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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