some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
