Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
