I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
