You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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