I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
