i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
