Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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